A friend of mine, Louisville comedian Eric Hahn, started this hillarious set of discussions on his Facebook page. I hope you're inspired, as I was, to add some of your own.
Five Ways to Freak Out Your Driving Instructor:
1. Shout, "I think you're my long lost dad!"
2. Have a seeing eye dog in the back seat.
3. Tell them you learn all your mad skills from GTA IV.
4. Tell him you think your being followed.
5. Ask him if he mind's driving "shotgun" while handing him a sawed off rifle,
1. Give birth.
3. Upon entering the car, place your 20oz. colt45 in the drink holder and light up a joint.
4. Immediately put the car in reverse ...and slam into the car behind you and say that you just "wanted to get that out of the way".
5. Dress like HST and starting waving away the bats.
1. Ask if you can stop by the prison to pick up your mom who was just released after doing time for killing a driving instructor.
2. Walk like an Egyptian.
3. Insist on consulting the I Ching at every intersection.
4. Ask him if he's ever dropped acid while driving after giving him a piece of unwrapped gum.
5. Place a portable police siren/light on the dash.
1. Take the test in a taxi and start the meter when the instructor says to begin.
2. Randomly scream, gasp as if somethings about to happen - again, randomly.
3. Pull up in one of those Shriner cars.
4. Put on a blindfold and tell them you are using the force.
5. Show up in a clown suit and look at the car in surprise, telling him you're used to something much smaller.
Pick five ways to tell someone it's over.
1. Singing messenger.
2. Federal Agent with a warrant.
3. Keep leaving their packed luggage by the door.
4. Call them up when you know they aren't home and leave a message inviting them to your wedding.
5. Change your relationship status on FB.
1. Answer their every question with "because you are ruining my life".
2. Write "It's Over" on a tarp and lay it out on your front yard.
3. Cave drawing.
4. Leave the receipt from the post office next to her cereal bowl where you have forwarded her mail,
5. Have all your friends call the house and say, "Oh, you're still there." when she answers.
1. Carrier pigeon.
2. Pictionary game.
3. On Springer.
4. Buy air time and have it announced on the morning show.
5. Start dating.
Pick five ways to get a one pound bag of flour over a 20 foot wall.
1. Divine intervention.
3. Harness a team of butterflies.
4. Magic beanstalk.
5. Bake loaves of bread with it, consume bread, climb wall.
1. Alter laws of the universe to eliminate gravity.
2. Call in Chuck Norris and the flour will come to him.
3. Flood the region so it can float over.
4. Seek counseling and maybe you can take down your wall just long enough to accept the flour into your life.
1. Build a ramp and call the Duke Boys.
2. Construct a shark tank and call The Fonz.
3. Line up 13 buses and call Evel Knievel.
4. Wonder Woman's lasso.
5. An army of giants.
Pick five things you shouldn't take in the shower with you.
3. Anything from BP 'cause it's bound to leak.
4. Hair dryer and curling iron.
5. Wicked Witch of the East.
1. Packets of Kool Aid.
2. Case of alka-setzer, (although that'd be fun),
3. Cotton candy.
4. Cell phone, cigarette, hot coffee, cold beer, pissed off cat. Sad thing is, I think I've done all 5 :(
5. Sea Monkeys.
1. The dishes you didn't do the night before.
2. Chuck Norris... He takes spot three with a roundhouse kick .
4. Roller skates minus the toe stops :)
5. The 20 lbs. of flour that you're supposed to be taking to the other side of the wall.